"All the French Are Good For is Groping" - Zhirinovsky Outlines France’s History, Right Up to the Present

— Of course, all this fits perfectly into the concept of our 'malign' behavior, as it's been established in Toronto by the G7 Foreign Ministers. In the final communique, they threatened us with new sanctions. Apparently, the existing sanctions for Donbass aren't enough, they feel the urge to come up with something else. The UK's Boris Johnson has basically called us 'evil geniuses.' So, are they leaning towards deterring Russia or cooperating? The answer is obvious.

Chrystia Freeland, Canada's Foreign Minister: "We spent a considerable amount of time talking about Russia, whose actions continue to flaunt international law. We all share deep concerns about what we agree is unacceptable behavior including the despicable nerve agent attack in the UK".

 

John Sullivan, the Acting US Secretary of State: "There are a number of areas where we need a dialogue with Russia, but it will not prevent us from standing up and confronting and taking action against Russian behavior that’s contrary to international norms and all that we stand for in the G7".

Boris Johnson, the UK's Foreign Minister: "What I think one of the interesting things about what's going on at the moment is how Russia is so unbelievably clever at kind of sowing doubt and confusion and spreading all this fake news and trying to muddy the waters. We think there's a role for the G7 in just trying to provide some clarity about what we all collectively think the Russians are doing in terms of maligned behavior".

— That was just to illustrate what's happening. Vladimir Volfovich, previously, we were considered evil, alongside Iran and North Korea. Now we hear the UK's Foreign Minister say we're worse than Afghanistan, Iraq, and their insurgents. What do they want us to turn into? Are we supposed to be like Somalia?

Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the LDPR leader: They're covering their weakness. They're getting worse and worse. The world is changing, as we've seen with Armenia. They decided to protest, so they overthrew their PM. Things are done quickly nowadays. This is the fear of the leaders who have nothing else to offer. When they talk about G7 that supposedly rules the world, it's actually the USA and its thugs in the face of the other 6 countries. They can't even do anything, they're weak. They always compare us to someone. No matter where they meet, our great, powerful country is on their minds, they're in love with Russia. They enjoy the fact that such great, powerful, beautiful country even exists. This makes them, the powerless and the weak, feel jealous. It eventually evolves into insults.

— And sanctions.

— This isn't the first time, just read what all the French and British writers and artists have said. They've used every dirty word in the book. Take the mid-nineteenth century, for instance, right after Napoleon's defeat. Were we not supposed to defeat Napoleon after he'd decided to take over the world? There was a lot of hatred towards us back then. Take de Custine, the most detestable French writer of 1839. Where is the hatred from? We need to look below the surface.

Why does Merkel hate us? Her bike was stolen. It's alright for the Germans to burn down half the Soviet Union, destroying millions of lives. This lady gets her bike stolen, and she's hated us ever since. The French dude wandered around here in 1839. He was gay, and deeply misunderstood here.

— Come on, stop.

— What? It a historical fact. He got angry, he couldn't find a partner here, Russian peasants didn't give what he wanted from them. So, he returned to Paris and wrote that despicable book. These are all facts. What about our Russophobes? Chubais, Dmitry Bykov, and Sobchak all say horrible things about us. They're calling us sycophants and scum, they say Dostoevsky should be torn to pieces. We must shut all of our own up first, and we must do it today. All these 'Durovs' should be committed instead of sailing paper boats. We have a firm, harsh, and decisive line. They can't even plant trees correctly. Get some chernozem, for Pete's sake!

— They have golden shovels.

— They don't even have any chernozem! All of the soil around the White House is soaked with dogs' and cats' urine.

— Vladimir Volfovich.

— See for yourself. They even stunk up our studio. Why is Trump groping everyone?

— We're trying to have a serious conversation.

— He grabs the French dude's hand. Sure, all the French are good for is groping. He's taking him to his mansion. He grabs his hand like he's a kid. Go ahead, grab him, drag him with you. There's the kid, walking behind him. He went with Uncle Sam. Go on, go, go go, go.

They don't know how to behave, they're weak. The French will never recover from Napoleon, the Germans will never recover from 1945. It's time to teach the Americans a lesson. I think that next time, our missiles should land next to the US warships so all their tin cans will be swept underwater, and the sailors will come ashore and leave. Look at that empty table, no coffee or tea. Look at those wrinkled, drug-addicted faces.

— Vladimir Volfovich.

— They don't know where they're looking at. They can't talk, I can tell.

— And we wonder why we're treated this way.

— I've seen them face-to-face. We should diagnose them. Russia is a world-renowned doctor for the day. Our diagnosis is 'outgoing elite'. Leaving America, leaving Europe. They can't do anything, not even fight. All they're good at is stealing brainpower. Our Russians work for them in all factories, in all their labs.

— We couldn't hold onto them here, Vladimir Volfovich, so they work there. It's nothing to be proud of. You didn't hold on to them. Now they work there.

— We'll bring everyone back, with all their money. They want to come back, they dream of it. If the President says, 'Russians, come back home,' they'll grab all their money and come back here. The US will be left with nothing. They're done, we need to be sympathetic. They won't leave Olympus quietly, this will keep happening. Don't ask when it'll all be over. It will never be over. Deal with it. What is 'west' in Russian? 'Zapad' from 'padat,' to fall. The West is falling. You can't do anything.

— What about Russia's West?

— What? In Russia, the East and the West are the same. They're the same.

— That's what keeps us afloat.

— It's in the Russian language, they're falling somewhere. They can't do anything except for exploiting of others, like they did with the colonies. In Russia, we have autocracy and national identity. They can't do anything themselves. Everything they have is stolen, even the cuisine. They don't have American cuisine. Why are you cleaning his suit? Stop bothering the poor French dude. He's like a big cat playing with the mice. A mouse from France, a mouse from Germany a mouse from somewhere else. So, they've planted a tree, like Brezhnev or whoever from the Politburo of the Soviet Communist Party.

— You're repeating yourself.

— So what? How many times did your Anna Karenina repeat herself?

— By the way...

— She went out once and got it over with.

— There's your Anna Karenina, Melania. He takes her hand, she pulls away.

— We've heard it all before.

— You haven't seen Melania.

— We haven't.

— She doesn't want him to hold her hand.

— She hates and despises him.

— This isn't a big deal, Vladimir Volfovich...

— Write about how Melania cheated on Trump.

— We will if you star in a movie. You should star in the movie, Vladimir Volfovich.