What Makes Saakashvili the Darling of the West? A Compilation of Just Some of His Greatest Moments

Saakashvili now has a Dutch passport. He got it urgently. Let's start from the beginning. This Monday, the leader of Kiev's street opposition Mikheil Saakashvili unexpectedly even for himself set off on a European tour. In the morning, he wasn't going anywhere.

As usually, Mr. Saakashvili slept that morning in and started his day with khinkali in the Suluguni restaurant in the very center of Kiev at Museiny Lane 10. Guards were smoking at the doors. The professional revolutionary was slowly and leisurely munching on khinkali. And suddenly a loud cry: "Get on the ground!" The guards were knocked down. Saakashvili was lying face-down on the floor. Somebody impolitely asked him not to move. They grabbed him by his hair and kicked out of the restaurant like a pig for slaughter. He was thrown in a van and taken straight to the airport with neither luggage nor change of underwear.

 

Saakashvili was processing his feelings and digesting his khinkali on the way to Warsaw.

Now, it's clear that Saakashvili is a volatile international opportunist with a penchant for revolutions and destruction. However, ten years ago, he was the key figure in the political drama. Now, he's terrified of going back to Tbilisi because he's going to be prosecuted in Georgia. They'll call the ex-president on all his crimes: the embezzlement of state funds for personal needs the abuse of authority during the dispersal of street protests the torture of his political opponents in prisons and even the mysterious suffocation of Prime Minister Zurab Zhvania.

Of course, Saakashvili won't get away with a missile strike against the Russian peacekeepers' base in South Ossetia in August 2008 which led to the so-called Five Day War. Everyone remembers him when eating his red tie in panic. As a result, the diplomatic ties to Russia were severed and Georgia broke into three pieces.

Here's the political outcome of a brief era of Saakashvili in Georgia. Naturally, it all began with rosy prospects during the Rose Revolution a textbook example of a coup backed by the US.

But one revolution and one war weren't enough for Saakashvili. He landed in Ukraine where the new Maidan was flaring up with a whole squad of Georgians. Those who were good at shooting had a combat mission during the unrest in Kiev. We'll go over that again later. The others took positions in the post-Maidan government. Minister of Health Alexander Kvitashvili. He failed a healthcare reform and disgracefully returned home. Hatiya Dekanoidze led the national police but was quick to resign. The key posts in the Ministry of Internal Affairs were occupied by Eka Zguladze and Georgy Grigalashvili. The Deputy Prosecutor General was also Georgian — David Sakvarelidze. Deputy Minister of Justice — Dzhaba Ebanoidze. The Odessa police were led by Gia Lordkipanidze. They all fled from Ukraine. Like Saakashvili whose buddy Poroshenko granted him a cushy job of the Odessa governor. Saakashvili had to publicly cancel his Georgian passport and get a Ukrainian one. However, the paychecks of the Odessa governor were issued by the US. He even proved it with documents for hundreds of thousands of dollars.

The Russian emigrant Maria Gaidar was another exotic face in the Ukrainian government. She was Saakashvili's deputy on social issues.

The residents of Odessa were laughing ever less. Sometimes, Mishiko used to pull stunts: He could tuck his trousers into his socks before giving a speech or put his trousers on backward. Everyone especially enjoyed his having climbed into the trunk of a car during a police exercise under the guidance of American instructors and then passionately talked about his love for the police.

Mikheil Saakashvili: "We want to have the same norms, the same customs as in the most advanced countries we will do better because I am sure that our police will be loved more than the American one although there are American instructors here. They will be more professional than American officers there is nothing super-fantastic about it, we just have to wish".

However, Saakashvili had a tough relationship with the Ukrainian police. The last straw was his fight with the Minister of Internal Affairs Arsen Avakov during the National Council for Reform broadcast on the TV.

"Nobody dares to pew-pew-pew me!"

"Rascal! Bastard!"

In the summer of 2017, Poroshenko annulled the Ukrainian passport of his former friend while Saakashvili was somewhere abroad. Now, he's an apatride — a stateless person. Saakashvili doesn't lose his nerve. In September, supported by Timoshenko and the runaway oligarch Kolomoisky he literally infiltrates Ukraine carried in by a huge crowd.

And gets away with it. He promises to topple the corrupt president.

Mikheil Saakashvili: "We're not going anywhere so I encourage you to come here after work join us, and demand Poroshenko to think about resigning".

An old coup recipe. He sets a tent next to Verkhovna Rada mottos are against corruption, as he'd been taught. He erects a barricade and even spends one night in a stinking unhygienic canvas house. But then he wants to take a bath visit the restroom. Nobody lets him in. He tries to force his way into a hotel but gets thrown out.

Not many people support him. The majority is fed up with both Poroshenko and the pushy foreign rebel. A plump blonde philologist expressed the opinion of the majority through an artistic happening. She braved the winter frost wearing only green-laced sneakers and a rubber hat. The body-color thong wasn't really visible. A pink whistle to attract even more attention. She also had a cool paper oar and a clear immortal slogan: "Petya and Mikho, row... yourself". "Back off!" That was the brightest episode of the Flying Dutchman's Ukrainian battle.

Afterward, Saakashvili's sun began to set. Rebel Mikho was fighting in the rear-guard. He was ultimately caught on a building betrayed by the rumbling metal roof. There's no way he could escape without making noise. He was carefully taken down without letting him slip. Into a car. A crowd. Warded off. A new speech.

"I'll save these handcuffs for Poroshenko and Lutsenko!"

And then — nothing. Only khinkali with Saperavi. Boring.

He takes-off from the Suluguni restaurant and catapults to Europe from Ukraine. He's a Dutchman now. He's got a brand new life straight from the mall. He says his neck is sore after the flight. But it's a story from Europe. He's European now.